just come out here and I will go home with you...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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