i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
