We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
