yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
