I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
