just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He has the fingertips of a God
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
