watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
