Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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