Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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