she was so not down for the gang bang
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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