it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
