I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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