There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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