Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Why did my mother make you get naked?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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