I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
