I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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