I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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