this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
