I'm drive I can fine osifer
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
