I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
