She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
