All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
