I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
