We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
