so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize