am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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