I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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