i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
