ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
