Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
