My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
