I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
you never un-have a 4some
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
