i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
