He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
