We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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