is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
