im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
