Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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