She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My breasts were aching with rage.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
