im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
