i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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