my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
