I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
