Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
