Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
