you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He shit in the fireplace
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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