I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
