her vagine was all disorganized.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
