i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
