And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
