I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sorry about my life...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
