apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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