just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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