thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
