this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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