Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
