Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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