Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
