Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
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Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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