Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The power of my boobs compel you
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
