It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We left an ass print on the piano.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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