Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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