is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
